It's the weekend, time for a ten minute rest from the Booker-thon.
Touch of cramp, you can't see me but I'm actually doing a Paula and sitting by the side of the road looking up that next hill in Athens, not even halfway.
Rural living + four gun dogs means that somewhere in your garden you have a kennel and an enclosed run.
So do all our neighbour's dogs within a radius of several miles.It's not cruel, they need lots of affection and praise (the dogs not the neighbours) but they are not pets and treating them as such unravels all the obedience training required when they are working.That aside they get very muddy and very wet and they reek of, well er, wet muddy dog.
Warm,heavy summer nights with perhaps the merest hint of a breeze have meant that the tempting aroma of the ladies (dogs not neighbours) travels afar and our four boys (dogs not sons, we only have two of those, plenty) and everyone else's have been getting a little fraught.The hills have been alive with the sound of barking and howling giving way to the most pitiful lonely goatherd yodelling echoing all around the valley.
All told make that far more noise than anyone who lives in the country for the peace and tranquillity of it all can tolerate for long.
We've tried everything, running them into the ground (perhaps they've got kennel fever?) more food (perhaps they're hungry?) but mostly going out and shouting at them.Pointless.
Stand up wind from their aroma (or should that be down wind?) and Will, Barney, Ben and Sticks (the baby pictured here and the most obedient) are adorable but not at 3am when the bookhound is out there trying to persuade them to please be quiet and the gamekeeper seems to be cleverly sleeping right through it.
Then we hit on a very bright idea, it's TOO quiet, what did we do with small, recalcitrant children when we put them to bed? They all had radios, these dogs need the sound of music.
Radio Kennel (Radio 2) has worked like a miracle cure. They love Wake Up to Wogan which is understandable so do I. Wossy kept them bemused and pondewous but silent and they have enjoyed Parkinson and a waltz through the musicals (especially Cats) with Elaine Page and not a single solitary woof. Paws for Thought is their absolute favourite though...sorry!
As Mark from Mostly Books reminded me recently, Billy Collins has a poem for every occasion and here's Another Reason Why I Don't Keep a Gun in the House . We do actually.
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